A spinster mom

Today I asked my baby
what do you want me to get you?
I can get you anything you want
all you have to do is close your eyes
imagine all the ponies, the dolls and rainbows in the skies
do you want a wii? a psp a doll house anything that comes to your mind?
I'll get you a tent, a laptop, your name etched in gold, ill build you a castle in our backyard
but promise me one thing
silence in the line
I am sending you an Arabic program its in english so you'll be fine.
I'll get you anything you want
just promise to spend an hour on it every night.
Ok deal! an innocent voice I heard that made me alive
what would I do without you
the reason why I survive.
I want a baby she said...
Ok, tell me what kind? the kind that you feed and dress..
mama, the kind thats alive!
When will you have a baby, you said you will too many times
you said I'll have a sister to play with, we made he cd's remember .. its about time
you said she's ready and that we'll cook and shop and have a happy life
Habibi.. there is no baby, that little girl has a sister already please don't cry
she had her even before I told you
I didn't know it was a lie
But I'll get you a baby doll you can play with all the time.
and one day maybe you will have all the babies you want..
just grow up and all will be fine.

akhhh... can't believe this conversation happend just right now
how ironic is life. my God forgive him and all his lies.

starting a diary 2010

I decided not to write
oodles and oodles of useles whine
for whining has never helped
change my life or make it shine
yes it made me feel better
it helped me cope with what's inside
but in the end i learned
that talk will never make wrong right
I learned the hardest way
too hard for words
so im gonna shut up
and take it
Only God knows.