The need to love and be loved

The need to love and be loved
The need to love is addictive . The need to be loved is destructive.
How can we strike a healthy balance of emotions without running the risk of losing our minds? Or our loved ones?
I don’t know about other women but I have had my share of relationships and I always kept my head and stayed calm and in control.
I had my goals, my rules, my family, my privacy , my personal life, my opportunities and my future and no man could ever shake me.
I fell in love at 28.
Suddenly I don’t want all of the above. All I want is him and the need for him to be all of that to me.
It was like the first time I ever handled a man. Today, almost a year after I look back and think to myself.. that isn’t me! When did I turn so immature, so emotional, so childish and so pathetic!!!
Love consumed me. It took over my heart, mind and soul and there was nothing but him infront of me. My whole life was his and that’s when I lost myself and it all got destroyed.
The key to keeping love is to keep yourself. After all, the reason the guy fell in love with you is because you were you and if you changed after that.. don\t blame him for wanting to run away.
One thing good about me though, which is also consuming is that when everything is said and done. I don’t blame anyone but myself.
Maybe I blame love. Maybe I blame life for changing , my heart for not preparing or for clouding my foresight but it all boils down to me.
Now.. I am hanging by a thread.. I have no idea what will happen to me or where things will go from here.
All I know is one thing.
When something difficult or painful happens, we need to try look, to see, no matter how impossible it may seem at the moment , with the eyes of our hearts what the situation makes possible that wouldn’t have otherwise been possible.
Like a new adventure, a closer friendship, chocolate in my peanut butter, nights in a tent in a beach, listening to birds sing or the time to write a book.
As hard as it is for us girls especially, to imagine a life without the men that help and “love” us, we need to open our hearts and minds and breathe…
As impossible as we feel our situation is, as small as our world is and as limited as our eyesights can see right now.. we are wrong.
Emotions, love, devotion.. these are dangerous dangerous words that can shut all our senses from the rest of the world and make us only see what is infront of us. Our man, our love, our marriages , our relationships.
Life is more than that.

There is a whole world of different places to go to, different people to meet. Different cultures, different food, music, mentalities .. different weather.
There is a whole world of experiences to have, to share, there are things we never dreamed of achieving and achievements we never thought we would dream of.
Everything has a reason. God has wisdom behind it all.
I used to believe in that so much, the universe, the reasons, the growth, the spirituality.
Where did I lose myself? A man? A body? A heart.
Everything makes things better. We have to believe that. Lets not force what is not for us and all we can do is be ourselves. True to ourselves, true to the people in our lives and the universe will handle the rest.
Faith in the unknown , faith in God. The key to moving on.
No matter how heartbreaking, how difficult , how hurtful a person can be. Always keep in mind that we are all different. Just because someone is older doesn’t mean he is more mature. I may have gone to a lot of places met a lot of difference races and faces, worked, laughed and cried with women and men white, yellow, black and brown. Humanity is something I lived and not just something from a book like it is to others.
I need to believe in myself.
If the person I love can’t understand and love me. I shall continue to love him but on my own terms.
I shall love him but not lose myself to someone who can’t love and take care of me. This is the tragedy of love. There are no guarantees of safe homes and warm nights.
I have to accept that. And find my own dream.
I learned the greatest lesson in life from the only time I ever truly loved.
Love is not the end of everything. It is not the answer to our life searching and it is not the warm and tenderness I long for.
Love is loving someone for no reason. Just from god and hoping that maybe he will love u the same way and if he doesn’t……
Well. That is love.