I have been meaning to start blogging again. When I found myself alone in cold and far away place. When suddenly things don’t make sense and I am regressed into living a student when I have been acting and living like a mother and woman whose social circle is considerably older than well… now.
I have been meaning to start blogging again, now that I am weaning myself out of the source of my life’s meaning, the love of my life and the only thing that consumed me for almost 3 years and to be honest the only thing that will haunt me and scar me till the end of my days.
Yes, I have been meaning to start blogging again. Every time a memory hits, a feeling comes back, lonliness strikes or I lose hope in why I am here in the first place.
I have been meaning to start blogging again, now that I am faced with my two halves that I must deal with, I have my scholarship and I have my daughter two worlds that never met and today need to be coexist but never to be known to one another.
I have been meaning to start blogging again, now that I have a path that was chosen in a different time, for reasons of the heart , a decision that I took not for myself but for the only man I will ever love and now , though he lingers to torture me thru uncertainty and guilt, is not anymore the reason for why I am here.
I have been meaning to start blogging again, now that all of these is who I am and for the first time, I am alone in a faraway cold place, dealing with myself…. Alone.
May I find meaning in everyday that I wake up in. Simply for being alive, thankful for the opportunity that I have been given, knowing that my mother is with my daughter and that her daughter is trying her best to make sense of her life.
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